(This article was written originally as an email and has been modified only slightly for publication here. It is written in a somewhat hyperbolic, jesting tone and is meant to both amuse and inform).
So I have been living in Japan for about a week now, and am sort of starting to figure some things out. There have definitely been some moments of absolute confusion in which I just stare blankly at whomever is trying to explain something to me, but overall it has been ok. I don’t have internet yet, which is inconvenient, but I can use internet at the school where I’m teaching so it’s not too bad. I also got a cell phone which is totally sweet and does a bunch of absolutely ridiculous and unnecessary things that I haven’t quite figured out yet since the manual is all in Japanese. From what I’ve been able to figure out, there’s a camera, a radio, and a GPS system on it. Yaaaay for technology that I don’t understand!
Alright, as we all know, Japan is famous for its kooky game shows and wacky fashions so it should come as no surprise that things have been a little crazy. Here are a few of my initial observations:
1. EVERYTHING in this country is backwards. Water faucets turn on in the wrong direction; people drive on the wrong side of the road, which has already resulted in quite a few near-death experiences due to the fact that my little Austrian-American mind is seemingly incapable of comprehending the dynamics of left-side driving and the corresponding road-crossing survival techniques; people take off their shoes backwards, meaning they turn around and slip backwards out of their shoes thereby facilitating a quick get-away when putting their shoes back on (apparently this is important in a country where shoes get taken off and put on approximately 64 times a day); people back into parking spaces rather than pulling in from the front because it supposedly makes leaving easier and faster…is anyone else sensing a pattern of behavior geared toward making a quick a get-away as possible? Hmm, sehr interessant…
2. Roads don`t have names, which is the most irritating thing on earth. It results in a lot of confused directions, and having to draw maps for people so that they know where to go. Also, giving directions is always done in the form of “you’ll see a big tree, turn right there and then there’s a big building with a pink sign where you will need to turn left…”. Yeah, this does not really make for the clearest of directions… I’m sure I will get lost many a time because, shockingly, there will presumably be more than one big tree at which I could turn right.
_by Lisa Sturm
Land of the free, home of the brave, in a plane I landed in California. The sun shines and the people have open minds. Long blond hair, beaches, surfers, free thinkers, California of the mind.
You are from Germany? Yes.
Where is your blond hair and blue eyes? What?
I thought Germans had blond hair and blue eyes? Some, I guess.
Well, you are on time, so that makes sense.
And then a Hitler joke here and there and a Nazi reference or two and California begins to look less like I thought. Shopping malls, fast food restaurants, chain stores and more chain stores, the California of my mind looks more like fantasy. The mall people begin to outnumber the rest, cardboard cutouts, walking hollow forms, this is California? I check my mind, my brain for what I know…I search and see on occasion, but most look like the way I imagine the rest of the USA.
Ok, ya, um, like. That sounds right. Hello, I am from Germany. An over-the-top Nein is the response. Or sometimes an ugly Ja. Some more Nazi jokes and questions of the past, it’s not easy being German. Expected efficient, reparations for the past, lederhosen, dirndls, beer drinking and pretzels, these are expected.
Ja, ok, nein, ach. That sounds right. Hey, I am from California. An over-the-top Dude is the response. Or sometimes a stoner Bro. Some more surfer jokes and questions of the beach, it’s not easy being Californian. Expected coolness, recollections of the 60s, swim shorts, surfboards, pot smoking and sushi, these are expected.
Bro. Ja. Smoke? Nein. Bier? Nah. Surf? Nein. Bretzel? Nah. Sushi? Nein?
Election day. George Bush will be gone but California never had him. Bush and California do not go together. The right does not exist here (in the back of my mind I forget that Schwarzenegger is a Republican). Proposition 8. The fight against gay-marriage, that cannot stand a chance in California. California is too open-minded, San Francisco gay-friendly, L.A. as well; this does not stand a chance. California would never take someone’s rights away. It can’t happen here, maybe in Texas, but not here.
Obama wins, gay-marriage loses. How can this happen in California?